Sanity Savers #2: The Routine Checklists

About a month ago, I wrote a very well-intentioned post about my intentions to write a series on some Sanity Savers around here. 

Then, you know, life. End of school. More appointments. Etc. 

I did manage to get that first one written about the visual timer but my hope is that now we are setting into a (so far) successful summer rhythm, I can finish the job I started.

In that spirit, here is entry two: the Routine Checklists.

When you have a bunch of kids and one of them has a LOT to keep track of, you need a way to make sure you don't forget any part of the routine. I am sure there are amazing apps or programs that can do it- but I am a visual person and I love paper and am addicted to my laminater- so I make lists. And display them prominently. 

It seems so silly and simple. But it honestly works for us.

I write a checklist with boxes to check, print it, laminate it and display it on the side of our refrigerator because the kitchen is most definitely the hub of our family activity.

Refrigerator 

My oldest son is 11 and has increasing levels of responsibility around here. We believe strongly in kids having a sense of ownership in their home and family - a deep sense that they are supposed to joyfully contribute to the functionality of the household. He will be ready for college when the time comes, we hope, because he has learned he has a role in keeping not just himself functioning, but his family, too. (And yes, he wants to go to college and he's working towards that. That is not just his crazy mom assuming that future for him.) 

This is his morning list (and he has a separate evening list) and he can handle it:

My middle son needs a number of things to happen in the first hour of his awake time in the day to give him the best shot at a successful morning. And yes, his list includes chores, too. Giving kids responsibility is a positive thing and for my incredibly independent four year-old, it is a way for us to give him trust, independence and a positive sense of accomplishment. 

Here's his list:

I also just enjoy having a to-do list that I can erase and start over each day. Saves paper and again, I know I could do this on a phone, but I LOVE using markers to make those satisfying check marks. Call me a nerd. I embrace it. 

Looks like this:

Does this save my sanity? Yep. Saves the time of wondering if I have done everything I needed to do for my boys in the morning. Gives them a clear expectation of what needs to happen before they leave the house for school or camp. Do we tweak the lists in different seasons? Of course! Does the laminater get used all the time? Happily! 

It's a simple system but it works for us. 

What kind of system could help YOU stay on top of that morning routine?

Sanity Savers #1: The Visual Timer

Two days ago I posted about why we stick to routine around here and that we have several sanity savers that help us stick to that routine.

Today: The Visual Timer

Transitions can make it look like my child is about to singlehandedly bring on the apocalypse. We learned this at a very young age - we learned it trying to leave public places, trying to come inside, and finishing, well, anything really. We also learned that developmentally, kids can't really understand the passage of time. When he was just two years old a therapist put us onto this visual timer. It's old school, you just wind it up to the amount of time you want to pass and kids can watch the red area shrink in size until it's gone and the clock beeps. It's AMAZING for helping him wait for something, for letting him know when we are going to change activities or move upstairs for bedtime. It also helps us be consistent as parents in following through. Rather than saying "five more minutes" roughly 20 times and escalating into a frustrated rage over why our kids don't understand us, we set it and stick to it.

Which is good for everyone, really.

Recently, bedtimes have gotten really hard again. We started using this timer to prevent the endless stalling and "one mores" that can leave a parent completely frazzled at a time of day when we often don't have much physical or emotional energy left. We set the timer and do all the things we love - read books, pray, sing, snuggle...but when that timer goes off, that's it. Bedtime is done. Kiss, hug and out the door. It hasn't solved everything, but it helps him know there is a limit and an end to that time together. (He is a MASTER staller. I promise we aren't cruel. But bedtime HAS to have an end or it gets ugly.)

Incidentally, if you need a laugh about putting little kids to bed, here's Jim Gaffigan. You're welcome.

The timer here is the one we have. It's lasted 3 years in a house where we play rough. It's called the Time Timer and I can't recommend it highly enough.

Stay tuned over the next week for more Sanity Savers.

The Time Timer 

Routine for Life: Intro to Sanity Savers

I know there are people in my life who find me too rigid, too controlled in how we do things around here. The never-mess-with-the-schedule, the strict bedtimes, the timers, the visual calendars, the social stories, the rigid diets.

And sometimes I believe them. That I'm too serious about all this or maybe if I just went with the flow, things would be fine.

They wouldn't, though. I know that.

And true confession right now: I love all the lists. The schedules. The clarity and boundaries in our day. I have always loved routine and order. Laminators and bins. Spreadsheets. Yes, I get tired sometimes and wish we COULD just stay in our jammies all day on a Saturday and just lay around and see what happens. But I know what would happen. We'd all pay for it dearly with a dysregulated, unhappy child.

It's just not worth it.

As we delve deeper into the diagnoses and the plans for how to best help our middle child thrive in a world that will soon see him as a threat, I am beginning to see that the significant quirks in my own crazy personality - the determination and stubbornness, the organization, the driving forces of passion and energy- are uniquely suited to what we are faced with. And while I continue to be my own worst critic, I have been working hard to see the good in myself. The ways that God has created me to be this mom to this child in this place and time.

This is pretty big for me, friends. I almost always only see the things I am doing wrong.

Right now, friends, our routine is life. And I am REALLY good at routine. At self-control. At doing what I'll say I do and following through with what my kids need.

And I know that I am not alone out there in fighting hard for my boy. In staying up late reading articles. In devouring books and talking to therapists and browsing the fun and function website and coming up with ALL THE PLANS.

Sometimes it's nice to come across a place where someone has already made some discoveries that might work for us, too, rather than starting from scratch.

So, while I'm no expert, we've been working hard for three years and if you have a child who might need a little extra help in life, I know sometimes you don't know about something until someone mentions it. And I firmly believe that the things we learn in life - the practical, the spiritual, the emotional, the physical - well, we're meant not to keep it to ourselves.

In that spirit, over the coming week, I thought I'd share our most favorite of sensory and routine supports in the hope that someone out there might need to know about it to support his or her little one in even the teensiest improved way.

Each day, I'll share one thing we do that I consider a Sanity Saver. And I will give credit where credit is do in how we found it.

And if it helps even one family, I'll consider it a win. Hope you enjoy!