On Boxes and Murder in the Church

Just a few days ago, a good friend of mine called me out. In that, "I-kinda-wanna-crawl-under-a-rock-and-lick-my-wounds-but-I-know-she's-right" kind of way.

We had been talking about a news item and I said something uncharitable about the protagonist of the story. Something rude. Something I have no business saying as a follower of Jesus.

She wrote back to me and said this: "There is more than meets the eye to most people."

She's right.

But oh, do I prefer to put people en masse into boxes. Groups. To places I can easily dismiss or self-righteously join.

I saw a man with whom I disagreed and easily vilified him.

I chose not to see him as made in the image of God. And because of that, I sinned against him.

Shame on me. And, to be honest, shame on many of us.

Instead of being light and salt to a broken, messy world, so many of us sit around name-calling and whining like we are stuck in some never-ending middle school recess of a nightmare. Facebook looks like a war zone. Between Christians, no less.

My heart, this week, has brought me back to a verse from college that changed my life.

21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister[b][c] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’[d] is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
²³ “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, , 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.  

Matthew 5:21-24

Perhaps you were expecting some inspirational verse about trust or faith or hope or love. Seems a little morbid to ruminate on a verse about murder. But I remember the moment this verse became a way to live my life. I had been at a retreat with my InterVarsity group and our staff worker had made us really, truly think about what this was asking of us as followers of Jesus. 

It was saying that if we are coming to worship our God and realize that someone is angry with us (and, it seems likely to add, someone with whom we are angry), to stop. Ask for forgiveness. Apologize. Forgive. Do whatever it takes. But be reconciled to your brother or sister BEFORE you have the audacity to come before God in worship. It was saying that our unwillingness to do so, our holding on to unhealthy or judgmental anger, our calling others "fool" is actually just like murdering them.

That's pretty serious, guys.

That night, we were able to go around the room, look people in the eye and create space for forgiveness and reconciliation. Since then, I have tried to live my life in a way that doesn't let resentment fester, that confronts and repents and changes when disagreements or hurts happen.

But I haven't done a very good job of it recently.

You know what's easy? Complaining and cynicism and blame and name-calling.

You know what's not? Actually following Jesus into the hardest, most broken, dark places and letting him develop empathy and lament and hope and self-awareness and forgiveness and action that seeks to reconcile. THAT is the hard work of living out the gospel.

A few months ago one of my pastor's charged us with this: Until "we love we"(meaning Christians being able to truly love one another), no one is going to give a rip about what else we have to say and one way to love is to stop, listen and learn. (Paraphrased)

But what do I see instead of "we loving we?" What do I see (yes, in myself) instead of stopping, listening, learning and therefore seeing each other as beautiful people made in God's images?

I see Christians hurling epithets at one another. Calling each other liberals and snowflakes and conservatives(and never in a descriptive way, but a disdainful way), boxing each other up, taping it shut and then finding like-minded believers to mock and laugh and smugly pat each other on the back.

Brothers and sisters, this is not what it's supposed to look like. What in the world are we doing? Becoming?

As I have been pondering this post, I finally sat down and made a list of all the people in my feed that have made me angry. That post things that make me feel like I have been placed in a box. And I asked God to help me forgive them.

But you know what else I did? I made a list of people who I know have not always liked what I had to say. Who likely have something against me. And I asked God's forgiveness for ways that I have "othered," ways that I have "boxed," ways that I have spewed hate in my heart, instead of offering grace across discord.

Look, Facebook is complicated. It's not "face to face" like people used to be able to argue. I can't get everyone in my feed in a room and walk around and offer apologies and hugs.

But I can get my own act together.

I can remember that while there is space in my following of Jesus for righteous anger, for conviction, for passion, that if I worship my cause more than my God, I will most likely end up being an agent of hate.

So, today, I ask us all to pause. To look at what we've written and what we've pondered in our hearts towards people over these last few crazy years.

Is it the fruit of rage and fear and murderous hearts or is it the fruit of following Jesus into the hard places?

One thing I plan to do is this: before I say anything, I am going to pause, try to hear what that person is saying, remind myself that he or she is just as precious in God's sight as those with whom I agree and then figure out if what I have to say is helpful to the conversation. If it is a truth that points them to a God who loves them and pursues justice and reconciliation. If it's not, I'm going to keep quiet.

As my pastor put it this past Sunday, I am going to do my best to set more tables, not make more labels.

Who is with me?