Saturday, October 29, 2011

Going Sugar-Free

I've been seeing a nutritionist for quite some time; really, since my body retaliated against fertility hormones almost a year ago by making me feel awful 24 hours a day.  And I've been mostly happy with the results. My headaches are mostly gone, I feel healthier, my grocery bill has increased. (Well, maybe happy isn't the word to describe that last side effect)  No changes in my baby status but other things have made life much better.  Everything she has asked me to either give up or add to my diet up to this point has been doable for me. Some choices were hard, but still realistic.

Then yesterday she drops what feels to me like a very real bomb. Here was the conversation.

Nutritionist: "I think you should go off sugar for 6 weeks as well as cut down on carbs."
Me: (silence)
Nutritionist: "I can't see any other reason for a lot of the issues you have, the weight loss and especially the infertility, other than a sugar sensitivity."
Me: (silence with increasing panic)
Nutritionist: "So, do you think you can do it?"
Me: (Full on panic) "Does that mean all sugar? Even honey? And chocolate? And pasta?" (heart beating incredibly fast to the tune of "I cannot do this, I cannot do this, I cannot do this) "How do you expect me to drink your herbs with no honey?"
Nutritionist: "Yes. All sugar. All honey. A little pasta. You can put stevia in your herbs." (For those who have tried stevia, this was no consolation to me. Blech.)

So, there you have it. She wants me to try it. And for 24 hours I have been mulling this over. Like the good ISTJ firstborn that I am, I will follow her rules. I will try this. In honor of my last day of eating sugar, I had two large cups of very sugary coffee and a cupcake and s'mores. I'm sure I overdosed but I figured if this is it for awhile, especially with both Halloween and Thanksgiving looming, I was going out with a sugar-coma bang.

You see, I love sugar and carbs. I love desserts, especially cookies and ice cream. I cannot ingest a hot beverage that does not involve bountiful spoonfuls of sugar. I eat whipped cream right out of the can when no one is looking.  If my steering wheel were coated in sugar, I would lick it while I drive. 

This, my friends, is a big sacrifice. And the test came quickly. A friend came over today with her two lovely dogs for a playdate. And into my home she came with a box of hot krispy kreme donuts for a surprise. Seriously? I gazed longingly as my son and she consumed donuts, watching little pieces of that gorgeous hard icing falling to the ground and contemplating whether I would be considered deranged if I were to drop down on all fours and lick them up off the deck. Zeke beat me to it before I could act.  I should also mention that this very well-intentioned friend had zero idea I was off sugar. Any other day in my life, I would've greeted her with her very own parade.

Yes, this particular sacrifice is going to take a lot of hard work. A lot of trust in God's ability to give me the self-control I lack in this area.  This is going to take me waking up every morning and recommitting this to a God who is way more powerful than my sugar cravings and is in control of my crazy metabolic issues and my rebellious uterus. Even on the days when I struggle to really trust his sovereignty and his fairness.  And those days, I am sad to say, still come more often than I'd like.  Maybe this is one more way he's going to show me how big he is and how much faith I really need to get through each day.

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